Start with Healing

For some women, motherhood was always a part of the plan. For others, it happened unexpectedly, and they embraced it as it came. My journey was different. For years, well into my late twenties, I wasn’t sure if I wanted children at all. I questioned whether I was healed enough. Would I be a good mother? Would I have to raise a child alone?

When I talk about being “healed,” it’s important to share a piece of my upbringing. My parents were young, 23 and 25, unhealed adults trying to raise children while still carrying their own unresolved pain. My father already had a daughter from a previous relationship at age 20. My parents had my second sister at 20 and 22, then three more children followed behind me. They were two trauma-bonded people with no roadmap for expressing hurt, understanding their histories, or breaking generational patterns.

My mother, the oldest of 14, lost her father at 3 and faced layers of trauma throughout her childhood. My father, the oldest of three, lost his father at 15 and endured his own trauma. They carried their wounds into parenthood without understanding the long-term impact on the children they were raising.

I didn’t grow up in a warm home full of emotional safety. We weren’t encouraged to express ourselves. Praise and affection were limited. But there was constant loudness, arguments, conflict, judgment, comparison. Of course, there were also moments of peace, laughter, and joy sprinkled in, but they were inconsistent. Witnessing all of this made me question whether I wanted to become a mother at all. I was determined not to recreate what I experienced.

At 21, I transferred to my alma mater, a decision that later changed the entire trajectory of my life. Around that time, I ended a relationship that no longer served me and decided it was time to look inward. I sought counseling on campus because I knew I needed help. That first session was overwhelming. I burst into tears before I even finished the intake questionnaire. I didn’t realize how much I was holding in or how foreign it felt to express myself. But that day changed everything. It gave me the internal push I needed to start healing, setting boundaries, naming my hurt, and discovering who I was outside of my pain.

I’m still healing; but that one hard step made every step after it feel a little bit easier. Through the process, I found a healthier version of myself, deepened my relationship with God, met my now-husband, and gained the strength I needed during a challenging season while trying to conceive our first child. Today, we have two beautiful children.

When we finally made the decision to start a family, I felt like the healthiest version of me; still growing, still healing, but equipped with the strategies that worked for my life. I knew that whatever came my way, I had what I needed within me and around me.

Trauma changes you. Family changes you. Relationships change you. Parenthood changes you. Change is inevitable but healing makes it easier to navigate.

Here are five things you can do today to begin your own healing journey:

1. Start with honesty. Acknowledge what hurts, what’s unresolved, and what you’re still carrying. Awareness is the first step toward transformation.

2. Seek support. Whether it’s counseling, a mentor, a faith leader, or a trusted friend, healing thrives in safe and supportive spaces.

3. Set boundaries. Protect your peace, your energy, and your emotional space—even if it means redefining old relationships or habits.

4. Prioritize self-reflection. Journaling, prayer, meditation, or quiet moments of stillness can help you understand yourself more deeply.

5. Give yourself grace. Healing isn’t linear. Some days will feel heavy, and others will feel light. Both matter, and both count.